It’s taken a long time to regain some level of comfort in just being in a comfort zone – without a constant thought of having unspecified work to do, or having anxiety-provoking events hanging over me, or simply fear of failure. Some of these things are still present some of the time, but this weekend in particular allowed me to re-value the things that PhD-me might have regarded as “nothing”.
Sitting on the grass with my girlfriend and my borrowed dog, taking sweet pictures and lounging in the shade. Crafting a big dish of dessert. Watching TV concerts without simultaneously messing on my phone or emails or reading. Playing scrabble without keeping score.
The uniting thing here is that all of these things are made better when there is no time pressure. I wonder if the secret to starting to relax is starting to let go of constantly caring what time it is.